Part 3: The Downright Ugly

Have you seen a film this year that made you feel like you lost some brain cells as the credits rolled? Made you want to cry or beg for your eight dollars back at the cineplex? Well, you weren’t the only one. There were plenty, and I mean plenty of films that demonstrated if not one, then all of these qualities. The more cynical film critics are calling 2010 one of the worst years in film. It’s these films right here that make you scratch you head and wonder: what were people thinking? They aren’t even worth watching on instant watch on NetFlix. The point is, these are the movies that make you regret the two hours you wasted watching it as your eyes and ears were assaulted while you took these films in. Without further ado, here they are.

Kevin Smith directed “Cop Out.” I hope he sincerely regrets this decision. Starring Bruce Willis and Tracey Morgan in a buddy-cop film, “Cop Out” was released in February. The jokes and gags were completely tasteless, uninspired, and downright stupid. It also proved to be one of the year’s largest flops. Also in February was “The Bounty Hunter.” This script for this film could not have been any worse. Combined with stale acting, this film starring Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler was so uninspired, it hurt. Jennifer Aniston should probably take note: touching your hair is not acting, it’s just touching your hair. Released in April, “Death at a Funeral” was one of the most unfunny comedies of the year. Starring Chris Rock, Danny Glover, Zoe Saldana, and Martin Lawrence, gags and jokes about a funeral fall unmistakably flat. Especially when Martin Lawrence is involved. The only amusing part of this film is James Marsden, who doesn’t quite go down on with this sinking ship. His ever-present charm in his role as the mistakenly drugged-out Oscar is Marsden’s life raft. “Furry Vengeance” was also released in April and it starred Brendan Fraser. Enough said. May gave us the absolutely pitiful sequel to “Sex and the City.” With Sarah Jessica Parker and her gang of girls, they take fake Dubai by storm (since Dubai didn’t let production film there), and the climax of the film has the girls racing against time to avoid suffering the worst type of punishment: flying in coach, not first-class.

Josh Brolin took a serious misstep in June’s “Jonah Hex,” which received a hack job in editing into a swift, incomprehensive eighty minute run time. The film’s tag line is “revenge gets ugly,” which is a perfect adjective to describe this bomb. “Hex” is another candidate for worst film of the year. Megan Fox was also in this western, starring as a prostitute. To put it kindly, the role of a prostitute wasn’t much of a stretch for Fox. This film is about Hex, a bounty hunter during the Civil War who sees his family murdered in front of him by a Confederate general, and Ulysses S. Grant wants Hex to stop the general’s plans to bring the Union to its knees. Also released in July was Adam Sandler’s “Grown Ups,” also starring Chris Rock, David Spade, Kevin James, and Rob Schneider, it’s nice to see Sandler is keeping his inner circle employed. This incredibly immature film about childhood best friends who reunite in their adulthood was absolutely awful. When you have grown men joking about peeing in a kiddie pool, something is wrong. Very wrong.

Just when I thought M. Night Shyamalan couldn’t get any lower after “Lady in the Water,” and “The Happening,” the man defied all odds and managed to sink even lower. Congratulations Shyamalan for redefining cinematic “rock bottom” on a yearly basis. This year, Shyamalan released “The Last Airbender” in July. Taking his movie way too seriously, “Airbender” fails on almost every level. Between the heinous dialogue, pitiful acting, lame plot, and the arrogant set up for a sequel (or two), I can’t determine exactly which element of this film is too blame for its own downfall. Any one of these failures could account for a box office bomb, but Shyamalan managed to combine all of them in one film. Halfway through, it wasn’t all the flame from the fire benders that made me smell something ablaze, it was the distinct smell of the crashing and burning of Shyamalan’s career. To explain it briefly, the film is about the Airbenders, who are people who have the ability to harness the power of either air, water, fire, or earth. One special person, however, the avatar, is reincarnated over centuries and has the ability to control all four elements. The avatar, portrayed by Noah Ringer, is charged with the task of preventing the Fire Nation from conquering the Water, Air, and Earth nations. It’s just as ridiculous as it sounds.

All in all, there were some delightfully crappy movies in 2010. Definitely more so in the past year than in previous years. What makes all of these films tolerable is knowing 2010 wasn’t a complete loss. They were many movies this year that were beacons of light in an otherwise bleak year for film. It is these great films that will keep us going, providing us with optimism as we open our wallets for another eight dollars at the cineplex, and giving us hope we can experience films that make us laugh as much as “Easy A,” think as much as “Inception,” cry as much as “Toy Story 3,” scare us as much “Black Swan,” and inspire us as much as “127 Hours.” With 2010 winding down, the exciting prospects of what 2011 has to offer is just around the corner.