Highly stylized action? Check. Gratuitous sex and violence? Check. Enormous amount of camp? Check. Welcome to the world of a Robert Rodriguez film. From the man who brought you “Sin City,” and “Planet Terror,” Rodriguez directs and writes another one of his “Grindhouse” worthy films, “Machete.” A spin off from one the commercials seen at the beginning of Rodriguez’s and Tarantino’s “Grindhouse” feature, “Machete” resembles a greasy burrito. It’s satisfying in the moment, but after you’re done, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
“Machete” stars Danny Trejo, who’s filmography is lengthy, but his roles can be summed up as “that Mexican guy” in almost every part he plays. An increasingly annoying Jessica Alba stars as an immigration officer, Sartana. She continues to prove she couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. Michelle Rodriguez plays who else, but that badass chick who can play with the boys. She’s perfectly casted, but this typecasting for her is beyond old. Robert De Niro plays a Texan senator named McLaughlin, and he clearly has a blast in his role which can’t help but be paralleled to George Bush. Jeff Fahey plays McLoughlin’s corrupt manager and advisor, Booth. Steven Seagal is a ridiculous choice as a Mexican druglord; he should just stick to pretending to be a cop on that awful reality show on A&E. Lindsay Lohan basically plays herself and thinks that maybe people might still care about her if she takes off her clothes and is naked for an entire movie. Guess what? We still don’t care. Cheech Marin has a cameo as the title character’s brother and is a gun-toting priest. On a side note, it’s nice to see a host of “Lost” alumni still getting work.
The film centers on Machete, an ex-federal agent, who fights for what’s “right” after a druglord (Steven Seagal, sigh) beheads his wife. The timing for this movie couldn’t be better. The druglord teams up with Senator McLaughlin and his advisor, Booth to create a huge fence on the Mexican border to prevent immigrants from flooding into Texas, because profits would flood in on both sides. The Mexicans working for the drug lord will still be forced to work under him, and the immigrants won’t be able to take jobs or use resources in Texas. It’s all part of an extremely corrupt system, and Machete apparently just can’t handle it. Machete is set up by his employer, Booth, to take the fall for an attempted assassination attempt on the Senator, and Machete vows revenge against the man who employed him. He joins forces with Alba’s Sartana, the immigration officer, to fix the current situation and take down the whole corrupt system.
To break it down even further, the immigrant-hating Senator and his cohorts are the villains in this movie, and Rodriguez is unsurprisingly sympathetic toward the plight of Mexican immigrants, particularly when border patrollers shoot and kill a pregnant illegal immigrant. Whether you agree or not with policies concerning illegal immigrants may affect the way you see this film, especially when Rodriguez’s opinion is repeatedly slapped in your face, most notable when Michelle Rodriguez’s character speaks about the immigration system, saying, “It’s broken down. It’s not working,” almost facing the camera.
Rodriguez undoubtedly achieved what he wanted to here in his film. It’s completely ridiculous; it’s unapologetically campy. It’s filled with “I see what you did there” sly in-jokes, particularly when Cheech Marin’s character offers his brother a joint from a “Mexican” cigar box. All in all, it’s simply too much. If people in the audience are already Rodriguez cult fans, they will undoubtedly love this film. It’s certainly a rollicking, violent ride of a film. The film has no substance, and it doesn’t care. It’s hard to critique a film that makes no apologies for itself and is so self-aware of how over-the-top it is. One thing is for certain, I liked the action sequences in the moment, but after the credits rolled, I felt like my hour and forty minutes had been wasted. The film is too self-referential, too needlessly violent, too pointlessly sexual, and just too much of everything in general. That’s what it was going for, but I just didn’t like it at all. It was an expensive, silly B-movie that ended up being too stupid for my tastes. It was certainly a lame way to end a notably boring summer of awful and disappointing summer films.
Where to Find It: In theaters 9/3
Rating: One star
“Machete” stars Danny Trejo, who’s filmography is lengthy, but his roles can be summed up as “that Mexican guy” in almost every part he plays. An increasingly annoying Jessica Alba stars as an immigration officer, Sartana. She continues to prove she couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag. Michelle Rodriguez plays who else, but that badass chick who can play with the boys. She’s perfectly casted, but this typecasting for her is beyond old. Robert De Niro plays a Texan senator named McLaughlin, and he clearly has a blast in his role which can’t help but be paralleled to George Bush. Jeff Fahey plays McLoughlin’s corrupt manager and advisor, Booth. Steven Seagal is a ridiculous choice as a Mexican druglord; he should just stick to pretending to be a cop on that awful reality show on A&E. Lindsay Lohan basically plays herself and thinks that maybe people might still care about her if she takes off her clothes and is naked for an entire movie. Guess what? We still don’t care. Cheech Marin has a cameo as the title character’s brother and is a gun-toting priest. On a side note, it’s nice to see a host of “Lost” alumni still getting work.
The film centers on Machete, an ex-federal agent, who fights for what’s “right” after a druglord (Steven Seagal, sigh) beheads his wife. The timing for this movie couldn’t be better. The druglord teams up with Senator McLaughlin and his advisor, Booth to create a huge fence on the Mexican border to prevent immigrants from flooding into Texas, because profits would flood in on both sides. The Mexicans working for the drug lord will still be forced to work under him, and the immigrants won’t be able to take jobs or use resources in Texas. It’s all part of an extremely corrupt system, and Machete apparently just can’t handle it. Machete is set up by his employer, Booth, to take the fall for an attempted assassination attempt on the Senator, and Machete vows revenge against the man who employed him. He joins forces with Alba’s Sartana, the immigration officer, to fix the current situation and take down the whole corrupt system.
To break it down even further, the immigrant-hating Senator and his cohorts are the villains in this movie, and Rodriguez is unsurprisingly sympathetic toward the plight of Mexican immigrants, particularly when border patrollers shoot and kill a pregnant illegal immigrant. Whether you agree or not with policies concerning illegal immigrants may affect the way you see this film, especially when Rodriguez’s opinion is repeatedly slapped in your face, most notable when Michelle Rodriguez’s character speaks about the immigration system, saying, “It’s broken down. It’s not working,” almost facing the camera.
Rodriguez undoubtedly achieved what he wanted to here in his film. It’s completely ridiculous; it’s unapologetically campy. It’s filled with “I see what you did there” sly in-jokes, particularly when Cheech Marin’s character offers his brother a joint from a “Mexican” cigar box. All in all, it’s simply too much. If people in the audience are already Rodriguez cult fans, they will undoubtedly love this film. It’s certainly a rollicking, violent ride of a film. The film has no substance, and it doesn’t care. It’s hard to critique a film that makes no apologies for itself and is so self-aware of how over-the-top it is. One thing is for certain, I liked the action sequences in the moment, but after the credits rolled, I felt like my hour and forty minutes had been wasted. The film is too self-referential, too needlessly violent, too pointlessly sexual, and just too much of everything in general. That’s what it was going for, but I just didn’t like it at all. It was an expensive, silly B-movie that ended up being too stupid for my tastes. It was certainly a lame way to end a notably boring summer of awful and disappointing summer films.
Where to Find It: In theaters 9/3
Rating: One star
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